When stressed, I ask myself “what is the worst that could happen?” Is it really the end of the world or does it just feel that way because my self-identity as a "high achiever” is being challenged?
My trigger is perceived laziness, slowness, or inaction.
WHY? Because it’s also my shadow or what I’ve been conditioned to dislike most about myself.
WHY? Because I was praised and rewarded as a child for productivity and achievement.
RESULT? find it incredibly hard to slow down, relax, and just be. It’s something that I have to consciously give myself permission to do.
So when (true story) I realized that our fence that blew over in storm many few weeks ago is still not any closer to being fixed, I came face-to-face with my trigger.
Then, my husband and I found ourselves in a heated argument this morning…all before coffee.
WHY? Perceived laziness and inaction. I was annoyed that my husband hadn’t followed up after I asked him to. I was annoyed that he wanted to talk through everything aggggain and prolong action.
WHAT DID I DO? Rather than look both ways at the figurative stop sign (trigger), I went full speed and recklessly through the intersection (argument).
Rather than take a deep breath and re-evaluate the situation calmly, I decided that I needed to take control.
I became a martyr aka “Fine! I’ll do it!” and went into fix-it work mode. Because at work, inaction and perceived laziness can impact your performance review.
But, I’m not at work. I’m not being evaluated.
When stressed, I try to ask myself “what is the worst that could happen?” Is it really the end of the world or does it just feel that way because my self-identity as a "high achiever” is being challenged?
Clearly this fence issue is NOT the end of the world.
So how-to avoid being activated by your trigger?
It's about mastering the PAUSE...extending that small space between action and reaction.
It’s about witnessing your trigger and defusing it before anyone gets hurt.
The only way I’ve personally ever had success with extending the pause is through meditation. Regular meditation. Not once a week, but daily. Regular. Habitual.
Meditation allows me to have more awareness. To be more aware of triggers in the first place. It also helps me get better in touch with my body. Because it turns out the body typically responds to triggers first (through tension).
But sometimes I don’t meditate for the same reasons that I absolutely need to.
Because I feel like I could be using my time better. Being productive. Doing.
When what I really need to be doing is slowing down and listening in.
Not a fan of meditation? Here are some other ways to tune-in:
- Feedback from Friends
- Gratitude Practice
I specifically created MotherBar Moment CBD to help transition busy working moms like me from go-go-go to a softer and slower mode of operation. To transition from needing control to having more self awareness.
CBD works on your endocannabinoid system (part of your nervous system) and helps modulate feelings of anxiety, pain, and stress. No, it will NOT get you high. The most common effect is a feeling of calm.
More calm = less reactive, more open, and more willing to listen.
CBD can be used as an off-ramp from the busy, frantic mode we sometimes (often) find ourselves in. It can shift us to a lower gear. It allows us to make a full stop at the stop sign rather than blow right through it and suffer the consequences.
Safety first, right?
For CBD that you can feel, shop Moment mints here.