How To Carisa Deegan - This is How We Mother

Name:
Carisa Deegan
 
Current Occupation: 
I’m a full-time Email Marketer currently working in the wine industry and also work on freelance marketing projects. I love to keep my creativity and passions engaged in my time outside of my 9-5, choosing to work with people and businesses whose missions and values align with mine.
 
# of Children and their Ages: 
2 sons
Jack (7)
Quinn (5)
 
What do you love about being a working mom?
I love showing my sons that I am living my most authentic and passionate life as a working mother. Becoming a working mom has made me an even more empathetic human, and along with it an understanding and empathetic coworker. I’ve also learned to ebb and flow with the season of life I’m in as a mom, which can be SO hard, but so important.

Juggling work and family has taught me to pause, step back, and reassess my priorities in life. 

What is the biggest challenge of being a working mom?
After seven years of working mom life, I eventually learned how to set boundaries and limits on my time, as it is a precious and fleeting thing in life.

As working moms, we can have a tendency to feel guilty about taking time away from work for our family. But I’ve been very clear that my family is my number one priority in life.
 
If you had a magic wand, what one thing would you change about working mom life?
I would want people to understand that becoming a working mom doesn’t make us less of an employee/contributor/leader…it makes us better! The skills we learn as mothers make us so much stronger in the workplace. Crisis and conflict management skills, negotiation skills, patience, understanding…the list goes on and on.

Mothers bring the gift of authenticity and wholeness to the workplace. We are better employees BECAUSE we are mothers, not in SPITE of being mothers.

What tips do you have for other working moms? 
I’m a huge advocate for providing resources for working mothers, helping them feel both balanced and whole in their roles in life. Seek out other moms at work, your network, podcasts, and your community.

It might seem like you don’t have the time to seek it out, but finding those connections and knowing you aren’t alone…that’s where the beauty is in motherhood.

It is a beautiful, messy, amazing, chaotic, and non-stop life as a working mom, but it can light you up in ways you never even anticipated.

My tips include:

1. If policies seem lacking at your organization, speak up. 
   After having only 3 months of partially-paid leave in the dead of Chicago winter with my first child, I found myself anxious, stressed, and suffering from separation anxiety. Knowing I wasn’t ready to return to work full-time, I advocated for myself and helped develop a new part-time return-to-work option with my organization. This allowed me to gain confidence and stability on my own terms while starting my journey as a working mother.
   
   
2. Don’t be afraid to set your non-negotiables.
   If pumping is important to you, block your calendar and stand by your goals. Let coworkers know when you will or will not be available. 
   
   
3. Be sure to take time to figure out who you are as a mother.
   Don’t do what everyone else is doing…do what feels right to you as a mama to your children and your family dynamics. Becoming a working mom is a huge learning curve, and I’ve found there will always be a new twist in the road. It’s all about how we handle those twists with honesty and integrity, which your children will see and learn from.

Any relationship tips for working moms? 
Quality time with your partner might not be the romantic date nights or getaways you had before having kids, and that’s ok. Find pockets of time to connect when you can.

My husband and I started having regular lunch dates on Fridays when working from home together during the pandemic. It’s our way to disconnect from work and connect with each other, all while our kids are at school. No babysitter needed!

Try to be as honest as possible with your partner about what each of your strengths are in your relationship and with your children.

Take ownership of what feels right for each of you, and don’t force any previous ideas you had about who does what. Lean into what feels good, and know when to tap out when you need space.

What's the best piece of advice your own mother gave you? 
This too shall pass.

I talk to my mother about both the beauty and the hardships of parenting. She is the person who taught me empathy and kindness, and I model my own parenting after this. She reminds me children go through all different phases, and to not get caught up in the moment.

What stresses you out? 
Lots of things stress me out.

• My kids getting sick.
• My parents and my husband’s parents getting sick. 
• Feeling like I let my job take up too much bandwidth and space in my brain.
• Wondering if I’m doing enough to successfully fill all my roles as a mother, wife, employee, friend, sister, and daughter.

But I try to make sure I stay present and not let my mind race to the “what-ifs” in life.

How do you mother yourself? 
I try to show myself the same compassion I show my children. I take time by myself to clear my head with long walks, reiki, and breathwork.

I grew up in Northern Michigan on Lake Huron, and am a Pisces water baby through and through. After spending every summer of my childhood on the beach, I wholeheartedly feel that water has healing properties, and feel drawn to it in many circumstances

I spent my birthday by myself at a spa this year and felt so rejuvenated and refreshed from all the water treatments. It was something I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing alone until recently.

I also let my curiosity guide me, just like I encourage my children.

I allow myself to get lost in things that inspire me, things that are beautiful, and places that intrigue me. I tell myself it’s ok to relax and enjoy life.

 How and why do you take CBD?
I take CBD regularly during the day to help with the stress and anxiety of life. As a busy mama, my mind also tends to race if I wake up at night, so I take it before bed to help sleep through the night.

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